Everybody's All-American (Christian)

So, after two weeks of alternative teaching, we get ready to turn back to a discussion of the "flesh" and how it affects our lives, our loves, and our losses. I am really excited about revealing (or maybe reminding you of) these teachings. But, I am more interested, today, in continuing to show you real life studies in flesh.

I have been promising to introduce you to Greg. I have really wanted you to meet him because he is really one of the best natured, talented, athletic, and friendly men you could ever meet. I really like Greg. As a matter of fact, everyone likes Greg.

Greg is pretty humble, though. And, when he knew I wanted to discuss his life, he wouldn't really give me approval. So, I have struggled this week with what to do. I was about to go ahead and publish the article about my own flesh when I received this..... an e-mail from Greg, permitting me to go ahead and use his life as an example, as long as I published, not my words, but this e-mail - verbatim.

So, here is Greg, described by Greg... what a guy!

"Hey guys. I really don't have much to say. I don't have much of what you would call a testimony. I am sure you would be much more impressed with the testimony of some of the other guys Doug and I know. As a matter of fact, Doug knows some guys with some pretty impressive stories about their lives and their born-again experiences. But, he said he wanted to share me with you. So, for what it is, here it is.

You might think that I am kind of strange for not allowing Doug to write this. But he has this gift of encouragement and he talks a little too much about parts of me that I get uncomfortable sharing. But, he has insisted I read about Ben and Kimberly and kind of format my stuff after them.

So, here is a stab at that. I was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee and raised on Signal Mountain. My dad is a business owner in town and my mom has always called her occupation - Assistant to Greg and Jana (my sister).

As a kid I always had a great time with my family. Jana and I were really into sports. She's the golfer and tennis player and even though I knock around both the dimpled and fuzzy ball now, I always have really loved the big three: baseball, basketball, and football.

Dad was a pretty fair ball player as a kid (played college baseball at Alabama in the '70s) and brought a love for sports into my life. From the time I was a kid, about four I think, I was throwing, kicking, shooting, or running with a ball. Dad and I spent a lot of time in the driveway and backyard having a catch, playing a little one on one, or just working on technique. Dad was (is) a great coach. But that would kind of sell him short if that is all I said about him. Dad is a great mentor, my best friend (going to be best man in my wedding this summer), and an incredible Dad.

Dad always put family first. He has had a very busy professional life, but he never allowed it to come before Mom, Jana, or myself. I know that he has given me every bit of example, coaching, and encouragement to be the best husband and someday dad my self. My fiancee' said after she met Dad that she had no idea that there was another man in the world like the one she fell in love with (I'm just a product of him - but lucky for me, huh?)

Mom is also a great example to me and a real side-kick to Dad. They have never missed an opportunity to teach or encourage me. Mom never missed a ballgame, always helped with home work, kept the most incredible scrap books of our accomplishments, and cooks the best lasagna in SouthEast Tennessee.

I'll never forget the day I graduated from high school. I didn't think Mom and Dad would ever quit gushing over my Valedictorian speech. Why? It was just all about them. I could have never been all-state in baseball without my Dad. I couldn't have carried the 4.0 without Mom helping me juggle three sports and my studies. I wouldn't have ever learned piano without Mom forcing those lessons on me. I just recently figured out that no matter how slow I get on the court I'll always be able to sit and produce at the piano or keyboard.

But in a really big way, do you know what I need also to really credit Mom and Dad with? In this venue, on Doug's website, I really need to give them the credit for the greatest thing ever in my life.

When I was ten years old, Dad and Mom revealed the plan of salvation to me. They showed me Jesus and the cross. They showed me how Jesus died for my sins. I thought about it all night and asked Jesus to come into my heart right before breakfast the next morning. If it weren't for their love of Jana and I, taking us to all those church events, youth choir, working with the student ministry, and making us learn all those bible verses for Kid's Klub, I might not have my faith in God.

God and my church are two of the most important things in my life. I love working with the young adults ministry in the church. I was asked last year to help lead a Bible study. I have even been given the privilege of sharing some of my college athletic experiences with the local FCA and seen some kids ask Jesus into their heart. I love sharing what I have done for God, encouraging others to give their time to ministry, and also teaching what I know about the Bible. I have worked at using these truths to make a difference in my and the lives of others less fortunate than me.

So, to sum up Greg (I guess if you reallt want to know me) I can wrap it up in three words.

God, Dad, and Mom. Without these three, helping me in everything I have ever done, I would have nothing at all to talk about. I give them all the credit.

In closing, I will ask for one thing a little selfishly. I am going to be accompanying Dad on a medical mission trip to Tanzania this summer. He has been there many times but it will be my first mission trip to Africa (I am a little more experienced in the roofing houses ministry here, and doing some gospel mission sports camps in the Ukraine). Pray for me that I can do all God would have me there for.

Thanks for indulging me this time. If we ever meet, through Doug, or maybe at church, please don't give me too hard of a time - LOL. This was all Doug's idea, and I owed him one!

God Bless you in all you do for the Lord!

Greg K."

And with that,

~ Doug out

A Life and Death Situation Revealed - Performance Based

So how was last week's look at ourselves?

I know I have had to look harder and harder at me, just to be able to talk to you about you. Fact of the matter is, the more we talk about us, I hope the more we can begin to see how much more of us we want to know, and how much less about us we believe.

I'm not saying that many of the things we believe to be true about ourselves aren't really happening. They are very real.

What I am saying is that these things are mostly temporary, contained to this life. Well, contained to life as we currently know it.

In Christ we have a brand new life. I believe some of you reading this already know that. I mean really know it. But many of you have just begun to discover this wonderful Truth of your salvation. I believe it is possible maybe many reading this still have not received Christ.

I am praying for you that through some of these things we talk about, that barriers between what you have been conditioned or thought to believe about you and/or God will be demolished. I am praying that you will break through, jump over, and overcome these barriers through pure surrender and begin to run free in the wonderful Life of Christ.

"What is it about me tha is holding me back from Life (in Christ)? I've been trying the best I can to live this life!" you might say. God may also answer your question with this response, "life?". "You actual mean, death."

"What does that mean?" Well, even if it doesn't make sense yet, it gets us ready for me to introduce to you Kimberly :) .

Kimberly in Real "life"

Kimberly is what I would like to call our "everyday" person. You can run into Kimberly everywhere you go. We all know tons of Kimberly's. As a matter of fact, you may be Kimberly, but going by a different name...... Kimberly's everyday life is characterized by everyday death. I mean, she is going through life pretty well, but somehow no matter how hard she tries to live, she just gets closer and closer to more death(s) .....

Prepared to meet Kimberly? You must be thinking, "That intro is intriguing ..." Right?

Well, doggone! Anyway. Here she is:

Kimberly grew up in a modest home. Her parents made a modest income. She had decent grades in school. Kimberly was thought to be a "sweet" girl by all her friends. Her Dad's occupation was a welder. Her Mom was a bookkeeper at a local merchandise wholesaler.

You may or may not be able to see it, but her Dad, Jim, loves his little girl. He just works too many hours and is home too little and then is too tired to get to know Kimberly, too well.

Kimberly's mother, Jean, is quite the opposite. Jean, spends much time around Kimberly. Their relationship would not be fall into the category of nurturing but it would fall into the category of "mothering." Jean was very available for Kimberly, was also pretty strict by the day's standards. Kimberly always thought her Mom was too hard on her. "Just look at my other friend's moms.... They're not ...."

Jim and Jean are "involved" in Kimberly's life. Even though neither parent ever majored in "encouragement" they make it to most of the special events in Kimberly's life. School stuff, church programs, piano recitals, etc... - Jim and Jean are there...

Kimberly doesn't get what you would call special attention. But, Kimberly did get what many would call "performance" attention. For example:

• Good grades = "Atta Girls"
• Bad grades = "Good report card, but how about this C in geometry. Got to get that up." (Forgetting or canceling the small recognition of three hard earned A's and a B+ in her other classes)

Like all of the relationships we're going to look at we need to look into this question. What was Kimberly's relationship like with her Dad?

Well, we've got to go back to Kim's first day, I mean her first day breathing earth air.... Dad really wanted another boy, but got a girl.

Jim didn't really understand girls. But it was not hard to fall in love with such a pretty baby. Jim's real weakness in fathering Kimberly came in his own experience. Jim didn't really know how to relate to girls or "girls stuff". As she grew-up, most of their conversations were superficial about daily "how's it goings" instead of deep Daddy talks.

Seems like Dad only really stood up and took notice when Kimberly:

• looked more pretty than normal
• got a little too emotional
• was overly dramatic about a situation
• or, seemed to disrespect Jim's 'authority'

Ok so that' pretty good ground-work .....

Let's look deeper at the other prime early development relationship Kimberly had. What was Kimberly's daily relationship like with Jean (her mom)?

Remember, Jim worked a lot so he "let" Jean make most of the decisions - finances, discipline, etc...

Mom's primary concern was raising a "lady". This got Kimberly most of her attention and most of her identity.

If Kim:

• Looked neat
• Had good posture
• Spoke well
• Was more classy, than "tacky"

Things went well with she and Jean.

When "Kimberly Renee!" did not measure up- Mom scolded amd made Kim feel not quite up to standards - almost "trashy", as Jean would often say.

Their family were pretty regular attendees at church - their "woman-only-wear pants-on-Sunday-night" church - - -

The family would attend church events, socials, kid's programs ....

Kim sang in the youth choir and even went on a couple of "mission trips"

All of this gave Kim a real sense of her religion --- a sense of doing the right stuff.

So here is how Kimberly's home and life experiences shake-out to form her own personal identity.

With friends:

• Kimberly gets along with most people
• She's sometimes a little too quick to judge others on appearances
• She acts like she accepts everyone - though she definitely draws the line at actual association depending on her quality grading system

With the opposite sex:

Kimberly found that if she dressed neatly with just enough "flirt and skirt" boys would notice

Kimberly discovered from her relationship with Dad - if she "played games" with the boys just a little, you know, was emotional at just the right times - positive or, better yet, negative - then she could keep a boy interested.

How about Kimberly's personal relationship with God?

"If I sing in the choir, stay lady-like, go to church, act nice to people, pray about stuff that worries or scares me, and stay mostly good and not "trashy" - God will keep liking me; God will be pleased, too."

You now have more information on Kim than she has discovered herself. But, that's not the "sum" of it. You know Jim kept working, Jean kept cooking, Kimberly kept growing up, and then one day grew-up, got a life, and took her personal identity with her.

Kimberly married Gary right out of high school:

She knew how to play him just enough to not really ever get to know him.

And, for his part, Gary thought that Kimberly was plenty pretty enough and surely sweet, enough -This just made him know she would meet everything He expected in a wife.

Problem was, that Kim picked up on what Gary liked early enough that she was able to perform just like he expected - Gary and Kimberly both worked pretty steadily to convince themselves 'it must be love'.

They married and soon had one beautiful child together, Evan. And, their young marriage continued on.

Where Gary and Kimberly's marriage began to fail was when both of their fairly "normal" flesh (experience based engrained truth), clashed and it became obvious they had conflicting ideas of marital bliss.

Gary wanted two things:

• He wanted to manage and control the housedhold (his experience)
• He wanted emotional and sexual support and submission from Kimberly

For Kimberly, life as wife and mother was very different than what Gary had envisioned she would turn to:

• Kim had seen a wife/mother controlled household growing up, and that's all she knew (Jean's style)
• The more Kim tried to manage and do well, as she had learned, the more Gary felt disrespected
• Kimberly's emotional games and "flirt and skirt" were not really what Gary wanted anymore- it was definitely not what Kim had the stamina to continue to produce, either.

When reality set in, a diagnosis of their problem from Kimberly's side would look like this if Kimberly had someone to actually show her to it:

• Jim (her Dad) had not just never related to Kim so he had never really helped her learn how to relate to any man
• Kimberly failed miserably in actual male/female, real life relationships
• Gary saw Kimberly as a failure in meeting his needs
• Kimberly therefore eventually thought herself a failure, too
• Though Kim really tried, she couldn't turn this relationship around all by herself

Gary and Kim split after he had an affair with his "more understanding" co-worker. Kimberly felt so betrayed and "trashy" she couldn't go on with him.....

So, How about Kim today; this year?

Kimberly is now married to Alan - his second marriage. And, though they just might make it work, their mixed family (his daughters and her son) and their previous relationship hang-ups, are sure beginning to take big hits on their own new "love".

But, "maybe if", Kim thinks, "If I can hold it together, do better with Alan's needs, and keep him happy" this one will work out.

What do you think?

I'd really like your comments on this. Look right below this and see the "Comments". Click on that and sound off a little bit... Don't be shy, you can even do it anonymously....

In the mean time, I am really hoping you are beginning to pick out "flesh" patterns from Ben (last week) and Kimberly (this week). I am anxious to see if you are beginning to pick out - new term here - some performance based acceptance behaviors, too.

I know and you know that this young mom named Kimberly looks a lot like what many of us see ourselves looking like.

Try this: Pick out some of those traits similar to you. Then ask God to show you the real truth about you. He'll answer if you ask!

You know I love you and am continuing to pray for you, daily!

And , how about this -- We'll meet Greg in a couple of days -- he is really impressive!

' til then.....

~Doug out

'Your Flesh Becomes You!'

Hello, my friend. I sure hope your last week has been great!

Thanks for taking the time to read through all of the information that has been so graciously provided to us. It is important to get to some common ground, some mutual understanding, some Truth that we can all grab hold of.


Why a "common ground?" We all come from different backgrounds, different experiences, different levels of need and different definitions of wants. But that is not the only reasons we need common ground. Common ground gives us a firm foundation, a place we can stand, a place where confusion is not found, and truth is at large and in-charge.


We've talked extensively over the last two weeks about the importance of truth; the importance of life's questions and choices that our mind needs answered, every second. To answer these questions, to make good choices we desire informed, reliable information. For me especially, there really is a need for the reduction and elimination of confusion in a life that wants to be freed by the Truth. Unfortunately, that's not the world we live in.. We live and breath in a society that breeds confusion.

Now, I am not to saying that I'm looking for "the good old-days". All "times" and "generations" have had their own share of confusion. I don't believe, however, that confusion has been so embraced by all society as it has been during our time, our generation.

'Confusion embraced?' That does sound strange. After all, many say that this is the era of personal accountability and intellectual enlightenment.

Sure... but personal intellect and Truth are not always mutually respective of each other.

• I see more things every day that make black look white, and right look wrong, and "maybe" becoming a "good enough" answer.



• I see depression as a way of life being accepted because culture has been advertised into believing pharmaceuticals can "cover" the symptoms and everything is now alright.



• I see divorce and short-term, low-commitment monogamous relationships becoming more accepted and inevitable than the type of family oriented, commitment driven, conflict resolving, grit your teeth, "fight for love with tooth and nail" life-long marriages that characterized previous generations.

Acceptable Confusion....Believe it or not, confusion is actually desirable in many different places.

• I see it in business where policies are written so loosely so that they can be interpreted to whatever fits the need.


• I see it in government where the US Constitution has been up under attack for the last twenty years. The Constitution is now considered by lawmakers and judicials to be a "living" document, meant to be reinterpreted by all generations to fit that generations current political comfort level....


• I have even seen it in my beloved "Star Wars" - episode three - where Obi-Wan tells Anakin, "Only the Sith deal in absolutes"..... Now that's Confusion....

It is no wonder that depression, which I have already mentioned, is so rampant (I counseled with three people Sunday, and at least one each day since, that are suffering from deep reoccurring depression).

I also am not surprised, no matter how sad it makes me, at the number of my kid's friend's parents (all Christians) that are getting divorced.

Why am I not just blown away? I don't have to look any further than my own self (flesh) to see why....

Society, that's you and I, has been raised by our present culture to believe that a happy life is all about and dependent on "Me". And, a respectable level of confusion allows "me" to keep it about "me", whether it being about "me" makes any sense or not......

You say, "What?"

I began to discover so much about "me" a few years ago. I began to find out things that made so much sense, about why things weren't making sense. I began to discover that a lot of the things I believed to be true were totally not. I also began to uncover some truths that totally were....

Now, I know the answers to how I was feeling, then. I know the advantages of what it took to get to this place...... But back then I wasn't so sure I liked what I was seeing.

I learned so much. As a matter of fact, I learned so much then, that God must have been pleased... 'Cause He gives me plenty of new lessons everyday, now :).

Here's some things I learned; some things I want you to look forward to learning in the next few weeks as we go through some stuff; some things that layed a foundation for me that is even giving me the strength to type these words - to keep putting myself out there.

So here they are - five things I can go to daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute:

• I am not really who I have always believed I am. My true identity is so much better than that!
  


• I don't have to fight everyday to stay "good" so I can stay at peace with God.
  


• I can't do "it". "It" can be done through me, though (by God).
  


• The person I have trusted the most from day one is "me". Tragically, even my beloved feelings will lie to me, and the enemy will use them against me.
  


• And the biggest lesson learned.... If I can find out the truth, whether I like it or not, I can deal with it and have joy in any situation.

Here are two things that I came to realize needed to happen for God to "get me ready for what He has next":

• If I don't deal with pain from my past, my past is my present, and my future will look the same.



• I need to wake-up and be more excited about today. Today is where God wants to spend time with me "in Christ" and today is when he is gonna bless me by working through "Christ in me."

Now, read these statements (all seven of them) just one more time (Momma said always ask, "Please?").....

What do you think? Hope this is really making you think. I hope you are beginning to see another little thing that I call truth - God does things almost the opposite from you and I.

This is what I know, though.... Everyone of these statements stands completely against where society would have us (confused). Everyone of these statements boils down to one word that we all need - Truth.

So, just so you will know, I am going to take a little different approach in teaching over this next week-and-a-half.

This next week, instead of simply pouring information into your psuchēs (intellect/thinker), I am going to begin to introduce you to four people.... Ben, Kimberly, Greg, and then me (Doug). You are going to hear each of our stories, be allowed to evaluate us, and even be challenged to evaluate yourself....

"How about my dirty SARX?"

I know... I promised to begin to teach about the three components of our body, specifically the flesh (Greek: sarx).... And that is most definitly what I am going to help happen. It's just going to be a little different teaching than you may have expected.

I promise:

Between the four of us, Ben, Kimberly, Greg, and myself, we have enough "dirty SARX" (flesh) to show you all you are going to need to know to help get started in this process (LOL)... you'll see..

Before we begin, there is something else new I need you to do....

I need you to check out this disclaimer, first.......

Got that? It is now not my fault if you stop. Nor is it my fault if you begin to get ready for what God has next. As a matter of fact, I have turned all responsibility over to Him. He really likes that.... LOLLLLL!

(Composure).... Now that you are prepared, and have been duly warned, lets meet part of ourselves.... Oh, uh, I mean, Ben:

Ben is a lot like many of the guys you and I have worked with over the years, gone to school with... He is like a lot of the guys I have tried to help out, to listen to, to try to talk some sense into. Ben is the guy I will typically also give up on too easily because he makes perfect sense to him and no sense to me at all.

Here's some things you need to know about Ben....

Ben will show up at parties, won't really talk to anyone, will stand to the side or in the corner, may act mad, or frustrated, leave early, and then be angry because no one talked to him.

Ben will be really emotional about some of the craziest things. He will laugh at some not really funny stuff or act like everyone else is stupid over some truly hilarious things. Ben takes everything very personally. As a matter of fact, everything is meant towards him personally. Even things that no one else knew had been done or hadn't been done or had actually never really happened - except in Ben's perception. Ben is so about this "personal" thing, that he could actually be called Mr. Out-of-Context, instead of Ben....

Ben is also very lonely. Ben terribly wants friends. Two major things stand in his way of making friends, though. He tends to either shy away from people or he's really smothering or possessive if he thinks you are "actually" accepting him. Ben does not know how to just hang.... he wants desperately to be "normal like the other folks".

Ben especially has a hard time with girls. He hasn't had too many girl relationships and most didn't have much of a chance to begin with. Ben's expectations were either too high, too fast, or too low of himself, too soon.

You are thinking, 'Ben must have been born with the worst personality?' 'He must be quite annoying'........ right!

Well, not really. See, Ben was made and is "at heart" a law abiding, good-willed, brimming with potential love, kind of guy. But we just don't know it. Chances are though, if you actually can bear to spend a lot of time around Ben, you might even have a better idea of Ben's potential than Ben does, himself.

Ben... where did this real Ben go? What happened? The real Ben, the potential Ben, the designed Ben is waiting to be "born" or has been "reborn" and is buried under rejection, lies, and life.

See, Ben was born with all the potential of the "best people" we work and play with. But things around him have hidden his "true identity". Let's check out "What happened to Ben to make him like he is?".

Ben's mom Cheryl and his dad, Steve, got married too young - too soon!

Fourteen months into the relationship, when the sex had lost its newness, and the thrill was all but gone, there were three things that still remained -

two strangers in the house and a new baby boy, Ben.

Its not to say there was no love in the house. Both Steve and Cheryl were proud of the baby, but neither one of them had a very good frame of reference, or foundation to put this love on. Neither had stellar family lives, really bad mostly, and fourteen months of marriage and a baby now... Whew!

To say the least their relationship was very strained. Neither one had any college. Steve was working as a construction laborer and Cheryl was trying to juggle "having a kid" and a string of second-shift jobs.

Steve and Cheryl couldn't afford a regular baby sitter so they alternated shifts .... this helped financially but it sure didn't help their already strained relationship.

Steve didn't have a clue how to raise up a boy.... His dad was never really very involved with him, if he was ever around.

Cheryl cared for Ben but stayed so stressed and tired, was always so tense, that she took it out verbally on everything: the cat, Steve, and even baby Ben.... "Why are you such a bad baby? Why do you cry all the time? I don't care, just lie there 'til you can stop squalling!"

As Ben got older, Mom and Dad fought all the time. Dad would get home from work later and Mom would be late for work.... and both would scream at each other the few minutes they would see each other... and Ben would watch. Mom would leave and Dad would go into the bedroom to watch TV, to "cool off" and wind up "three-sheets to the wind" by 8:30 (Ben's bedtime). Dad had to constantly ask Ben to quit "bugging him for stuff".

Ben was so lonely when Mom would leave. Mom was so angry while she was home. Mom and Dad were both angry when all three of them were together. Little Ben went from being on edge, to sadness, to plain lonely....

One day Dad came home late and Mom was particularly edgey and it blew up. They were arguing and Mom looked at Ben and said, "If it wasn't for him I would just leave right now!"

Dad said, "If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be in this s*** to begin with!"

Ben was only four, but the light went off in his head the best he could understand it, "The reason I feel so nervous, so lonely, so sad, so unloved - its my fault - I'm the problem." If Ben had any other frame of reference he might have been able to say - "Hey Dude, where do you get off saying your sorry life is my fault.... It may be my problem but it ain't me causing you to hate you!" But, Ben is just four.

Whoa, so what just happened: Ben's emotions became his truth.... and the "flesh" foundation of who Ben was became his own personal identity... at four years old.....

It is said by some experts that our personal identity is set into us by the time we are 6-7 years old. Other experts say that it is set in by age 10.

By age seven these things had happened to Ben:

• He discovered he could get attention if he screwed up enough - broke enough things - disobeyed enough.It wasn't good or positive attention. But if you are very lonely, some attention is better than none..... problem is .... Mom constantly griped at him and Dad about how "bad a kid", Steve had.


• One day Dad quit coming home late. He actually just quit coming home at all. Mom cried for a couple of days and then said they would be better off without him. Mom didn't seem better off, and somehow Ben got lonelier and sadder, and madder - at himself... Why? Dad had already said it. So Ben believed it. "Dad left because of me and Mom is mad at me because of it."


• School wasn't any better. Mom started working days while he was at school and "after-care" either at school or with Mom's step-dad (that is a whole other story of a bad influence). Teachers were constantly calling Ben down, other kids thought he was a bad kid, he couldn't keep up in school because Mom had a new boy-friend and they were always busy.... No matter... Ben knew he wasn't very smart or likeable ... even though he really wanted to be.


• When Ben got older there was a few guys like him, with their own stories, and own rejections that he gravitated, too. But these were not the "normal or cool kids". Ben really wanted to be "normal".


• Mom didn't really care if Ben passed or failed in school. So, Ben didn't either. He actually didn't see any positives in himself other than his ability to stir things up when he needed some attention.


• When Ben was 14 the first "positive" thing to ever happen to him, happened. A shop teacher noticed Ben was talented working with his hands. And he complimented Ben. Ben didn't buy it to begin with, but when he got good grades on his stuff, he got a strange new feeling! Then, before long the other kids in shop admired his work and the teacher would use Ben for examples. Two things very telling things happened:
  

1. Ben found out something he was good at. As a matter of fact Ben makes money today working with his hands. He has a pretty good job as a machinist.


2. Ben also found something else out to add to his "flesh" identity. "If I do well, show good performance, I will be accepted! When I have had bad performance, I am usually rejected. This may be something I can control."

• Good performance=acceptance=Likeable person
• Bad performance=rejection=unacceptable person

Ben got his grades straightened out at school. As a matter of fact he became kind of peculiarly perfectionistic in almost every thing. This even helped out some at home as Mom didn't yell as much. Their relationship was too far gone for much more than that, though.

Ben was not able to gain many friends using this technique, however. Why? He had never been confident enough, young enough, to gain real social skills.

• Dad left too early, called too seldom, to help him know how to be a "guy"
• Mom rejected him mostly, so Ben's only experience with girls was what he saw on TV - that really helped.
• Ben had never really been accepted before, so he went into every possible friendship expecting to be rejected.
• When Ben was accepted, he tried so hard to keep the friend or girl close, that he defeated his purpose and became rejected.

So, this is Ben's life .... This is how he lived for many years:

• Worked lots of hours


• Drove people crazy with his perfectionism (even his boss)


• Stayed at home a lot


• Watched a lot of TV


• Tried to go to church, or a bar, or somewhere to meet people sometimes - usually left mad because no one seems interested in what he has to say or because no one talks to him.


• I didn't mention his anger issues, huh? His quick temper? We'll leave that to your imagination and save it for later.

How does Ben turn out? Is this it? Is his whole life summed up this way? Could be.... But we will revist him later.

To wrap up this teaching, I want to pull out four things that have been working against Ben and still work against him today:

1. His emotional roller-coaster as a kid left him with a "flesh" based personal identity that has him operating in fear or anticipation of rejection. This is why everything is taken personally.


2. His lack of attention from his mother and lack of friends has left him feeling not only rejected but also very insignificant


3. His lack of love and support from Mom and Dad mostly, and teachers and his current boss, have left him feeling very insecure.


4. The sum total of all his experiences has him believing his rejection or acceptance based on his performance is all about and up to him. Failure is feared but also expected.

So, how did you make out reading through this? Who do you see in this picture of Ben's life? Did you see some of yourself? I know I see some elements of my own "flesh".

If this doesn't look like you at all, well that is ok, too. But, I will leave you with a warning. Don't feel too good about your own "flesh" or too badly for Ben because of his. Ben knows he has a problem and is going to be more ready to accept the solution than you might be.....

Finally, if you have been made weary or anxious by reading this, if it does look a lot like you... Believe it or not you are in the right place. You have begun the process of "getting it".

Remember the first thing I learned in my own process?

- I am not really who I have always believed I am. My true identity is so much better (actually probably the opposite) of this!

And remember the first of the two things I learned that have gotten me ready for "What God has next"?

-If I don't deal with pain from my past, my past is my present, and my future will look the same.

I just want to remind you what Jesus said, 'I have come that you might have life and to have it more abundantly.'

If you are in Christ, uncovering these things, allowing you to be able to see the truth will put you into the process of living in this 'abundant life'.

If you are not in Christ, uncovering these things will get you started, and Jesus, if you will surrender to him, will give you a new life.

Until later this week, when we meet Kimberly, know that I am praying for you!

I love you and am proud of you!

~ Doug out.....

Becoming Whole Again!

So, good to see you again! Its great you made it back!


I have been so excited about getting back with you this week and sharing more about our solid foundation in Christ. I mean I am pumped about sharing more about you, with you, so you can see more of Him!


O.K. What we've really done in the last three weeks is to begin to lay-out a true foundation by beginning to learn about our identity in Christ. Identity in Christ? Thats kind of a new term I really want to introduce. We will talk tons more about this in the future. That is something I really look forward to. But, in considering the impact of understanding it , I believe we are going to begin to toss it around, today.

What do you think.........? Well, of course I can't hear what you just said, so I am going to take it that you said "Sure!", and just go right ahead....

So, to refresh our psuchēs, specifically, our thinkers, I've got to ask you these questions.

• Up until now what have we done?
• Where have we seeked?
• What have we found?

Know the answers? Great!

Don't know the answers? That's cool, too! Here they are....


So far, we have talked about how God created us in His image... and what that really means.

• God is triune (three parts of one whole) - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
• We are triune (three parts of one whole) - spirit, soul, and body

That defines our physical, spiritual, and even mental and emotional "identity" as far as design goes.....

• I am, you are, a triune being made up of three parts.

We have talked about each of the three parts of us and the "Greek" definitions:

First: the spirit (pneuma)

Second: the soul (psuchē)

Third: the flesh (sarx) - or body (soma)

We got started on explaining their differences and the more clinical use of each.

And, I promised that this week we would begin to talk more practically about how each part of these three parts function. We'll also talk some about how these very different pieces interact.

Wound up and ready? Good .... Cause I'm about to bust wanting to lay this out.

Today we are going to concentrate mostly on the spirit and soul, give a quick redefinition, and then move into how God intended for these to interact, and (watch this) how most of us actually allow them to interact.

We will "touch" on the flesh today, just to tickle your fancy (a little play on words.....) and get your mind a little whirly on what's been going on in you!

I like to lay out some goals, so here is one: Our goal from this point forward will be to begin to expose lies, and reveal the truth.

I want you and I to be able to know the lies that the people around you have been telling themselves and you. I want you and I to be able to know the lies that the enemy has set as traps for you (yes, we all have an enemy that is even realer than those people we see everyday). And, most importantly, I want you to begin to see the lies that we have been telling ourselves that have kept us from moving forward, individually, into "what God has next".

O.K. the spirit of man and the Holy Spirit of God. What correlation is there between these?

During the last two weeks we learned:

• We were made in God's image
• God has a Spirit part
• Man has a spirit part

Today, as we continue to talk about the spirit part of man, I want to nail down four things.

1. God communicates with man only through His Spirit to a man's spirit.

2. Man was made as a spiritual being so he could then communicate with God and live eternally with God.

3. A person's true "identity" as God intended it, and man could conceive it, is only understood by that person's spirit.

4. If a person's spirit remains dead, for all purposes, that man is dead - a "walking dead man"

Number 1: God made man with a spirit so He could communicate with him.

Huh? Well ,we talked about this some last week. I even showed you the description of this in the four paragraphs I shared from the Bible:

We need to share part of that again. You can also go back to last week's and review.

But, here, look:

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him"

these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. (remember this is taken from the second part of the first letter from Paul of Tarsus to the church in Corinth)

Paul is telling us two big things right here:

1. God communicates to us from His Spirit to our spirit.

2. You cannot communicate with God just through your mind.

Let's go further. Here is further information to add to this commentary on ourselves and our identity that we are discovering:

Check out these passages from the Bible. This is being reported to us by John, son of Zebedee, who traveled with and was taught by Jesus from somewhere between 30-33 AD or 28-31 AD.

Jesus is speaking to a woman at one of the wells in the region of Samaria. They have been speaking on God and how God is worshiped (adoration communicated to):

But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.

Jesus himself is showing us this truth, as well.

God is spirit. Man may only worship Him, then, in spirit and truth.

****We will talk about the truth part later. Oh, and that is when our goal of exposing lies will begin to be realized! But the spirit of man and its correlation to God is what we are nailing down right now.****

Jesus says that a time is coming and is here, now (because He our messiah is now here), when true worshippers will begin to worship in spirit and in truth. When Adam disobeyed God (reference the last two weeks lessons) his spirit began to die. All of his descendants (you and I included) were born with a dead spirit..... But beginning "now" Jesus, the Son part of God, has come to be our savior and through belief in Him, his death (sacrifice for sin) and resurrection as our savior (new life), the spirit can become alive again and communication with God will be restored.

That takes care of point one: God made man with a spirit so He could communicate with him

And it introduces number two:

Man was actually made a spiritual being so he could communicate with God and live eternally with God.

We were born DOA - our spirit was Dead on Arrival

As we just discussed, when Adam disobeyed God his spirit began to die. You and I were actually born with a dead or dormant spirit . You may have heard that a Christian is "born again". When we believe on Jesus as our savior, it is the spirit part of us that is "born again".

So watch this again:

• We have just seen: God is spirit.
• We have studied: God made man in his image; with a spirit.

Here it is in a nutshell.

• God is a spiritual being
• We were made in His image
• He made you and I spiritual beings
• We were not made a human being with a spirit
• We were created by God as a spiritual being with a God-made human body

Number Three:

A persons true identity as God intended it, and as man could conceive it, is only understood by a person's spirit.

The true part of us, our true identity is revealed only in our spirit.

Let's look back at what God communicated to the church at Corinth through Paul of Tarsus:

For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?

So, let me say that again:

The true part of us, our true identity is revealed only in our spirit. (now, as a favor to me read the preceding three statements again to yourself)

Get that? Without salvation through accepting Jesus Christ, the Son part of God, we will not, forever and ever, I mean - can never - and will never, know who we really are.

• We will never know our true identity
• We will never know our real purpose
• We will never know God's plans for us
• We'll never be able to know or even comprehend His love for us as His child and creation

if we spend an entire earthly lifetime with our spirit remaining dead.

Number four:

If a person's spirit remains dead, for all purposes, that person is dead - a "walking dead man"

Without a savior in Jesus, as a spiritual being, I am for all purposes, a walking dead man.

With my spirit dead, I'm left functioning only on what information my mind, will, and emotions can collect as livable truth , in order to help my body survive its own slow walk to death.

Pretty gruesome to think about... being seperated from God, in this life, forever, all alone?

But how awesome to think about how God has got a plan to restore that communication (hint: If you're saved you've already "got it" - now its time to "get it")

That pretty much nails down the importance of our spirit and its need for communication through its correlation to the Spirit of God.

*****At this point, if you need to take a break and think about these things. That's cool. Do so. As a matter of fact, it may be eternally important for you to do so.......*****

I will continue right here, then, to get to a practical discussion of the next part of you and I - the next part of God's grand design for us - our soul.

Let's take a second to review again what we now know about our soul.

Each person's soul is made up of three sub-components - our intellect, our emotions, and our will. We may also say, thanks to Dr. Bill Gillham - our thinker, our feeler, and our chooser

And so with our intellect (mind) or thinker, we get:

• deductive reasoning
• data collection
• receiving of formal and informal learning and education
• processing of formal and informal learning and education
• survival instincts

with our emotions or feeler, we get:

• negative emotions - anger, fear, dread, depression, etc...
• positive emotions - happiness, excitement, passion, courage, etc...
• instinctive emotions - caution, intuitiveness, etc...
• response to physical senses- hunger, pain, amusement, etc...

with our will or chooser, we get:

• planned courses of action
• instinctive responses based on external stimuli
• "knee-jerk" reactions

Now that is information you and I will reference back to over and over today and the next few weeks. What is really neat, though, is to discover how these three pieces really work in our daily lives.

So I begin this discovery simply by saying to myself and you, "Choices, choices, choices! To do or not to do..... To say or not to say..... To be or not to be..... That is the question!"

Questions, really? "Questions" is the simplest answer to the question, "What is our soul really designed to handle?" Our soul is designed to provide answers to questions so that correct or at least informed decisions can be made in regards to everyday situations.

Here are some easy examples of day to day questions the soul may handle:

• To eat or not to eat?
• To sleep or not to sleep?
• Should I go or should I stay?
• Am I to be angry or be calm?
• Should I answer or simply be quiet?

Here are some more difficult day to day questions our soul is asked to field:

• Should I envy or should I be satisfied with what I have?
• Should I steal or should I remain hungry or poor?
• Should I have sex with my co-worker or should I be true to my mate?
• Should I lie to keep from losing favor with my boss or should I tell the truth?

There are questions to be answered, which call out to be answered. So many questions need to be answered. So much need for right answers. And for better or worse, there are so many people, and so many experiences, so much education, so many opinions, all screaming for attention in order to give you and I the answers we are needing.

God knew when He made you and I that there were going to be many many decisions each of us would have to make. And, he knew that anything from life and death, to instinctive decisions based on our senses, to complicated and complex work related decisions were going to consume us every day and night.

So, he created a processor (our brain - part (member) of the body) in order to house our soul and its components. He designed the soul, to be able to use the brain to store information, receive information from our senses and emotions, and then to make decisions that the brain could communicate to the body for needed action or patience.

Its really amazing how God integrated each of our souls components to accomplish the work He designed for us.

As the Psalmist wrote:

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

How incredible! God made us into some extremely complex dudes - so complex, the design demands fearful respect; so amazing to look upon, all heaven and creation watch in wonder as life brings us into animation.

To add to the complexity, God didn't make us robot-like, either. As part of the wonder that he created in us, in our souls, He created each of us individually with individual traits and personalities. We can really see the wonder as we examine the complexity of the three parts of our soul.

Just look at our -

Thinker : some of us are analytical and some creative and some everything in-between

Feelings: with these complex responses to stimuli, we may experience life to its fullest - from joy to sorrow, from passion to pain

Chooser: we were given a "free will" - the ability to make decisions to answer all life's questions, on our own, with or without any information ever given.... Whoa!?!

Let's talk - Choosing .... with our Chooser

It was actually in this grand design of our soul not the spirit, that Adam and Eve found themselves with the ability to choose. Just as we can. This chooser component sets us apart from all other members of God's breathing creations.

We can choose to believe or not to believe. We can choose between what would harm others or what would benefit us. We can choose to obey or to rebel. We can choose to laugh or to cry. We can choose to stay or to go. We can choose right things or wrong, wrong things.

We can also choose to accept and deal with the consequences of our decisions. Or, we can choose to run and hide if things don't turn out like we planned. God gave us even that measure of freedom in our will.

How much freedom of will did God give us?

We can even choose to love God or to not love God

And, when we really get down to it, the choice to love God or not is the real reason "free will" was given. God made us in His image in this way, too.

Just like us, God wants to be loved for His love that is given and for the lover He is - God does not want us to love Him because He forced, programmed, or manipulated us into loving him. God is love and wants to be loved.

Think about that....

So.... Let's start bringing this all home.

We have determined that we have three components to our soul. And, we have established that they are constantly at work seeking answers in order to make decisions.

And, here, as promised, is how it all works. At least, this is how most of us do it:

Our Feeler tells the thinker how it feels - the thinker then checks the feeling against life learned truths (however they were gained) and present "identity" then passes the information on to the chooser as personal truth - having what appears to be good information, the chooser may then decide what course of action needs to be to taken. This information is passed on to the body through the brain and action is taken.

Feeler>Thinker>Chooser...... Body Reacts

OR

Feeler goes into such red alarm over a situation that the thinker bypasses all relevant data contained in its memory banks other than survival mode, comfort mode, or gratification mode, clicks to automatic-pilot, and the chooser will default to engrained or instinctive reaction and the brain passes the information to the body which will typically respond. (more explantion next week, here)

still: Feeler>Thinker>Chooser .... Body Reacts

You see, in love and for protection, God made us, made our soul, extremely adaptable. I truly believe, because He knew that we would choose wrongly, often, and He loved us so much, He wanted us to survive day-to-day, and not to die physically because we made a few bad decisions (you know - sometimes really bad decisions).

What? Even if we chose wrongly and hurt ourselves ... or, worse, hurt others? Shouldn't He just take over and make us do it right? Wouldn't a good God do this?

God made our soul adaptable with abilities that it should never have had to use on its on. Why? It makes no sense. I agree. It makes no sense except for one thing. Love.

God made our soul adaptable to this world so we may survive until He could "draw us to himself". Until we would choose to be saved (sounds like a "church-word" but I really mean it literally - we (you and I individually) need to be saved from this lonely deserted island we call "myself")

Now, this next thing is really big. This is going to blow your mind!

Want to know why we stay so mixed up and make such bad decisions?

Watch this....

This is how we have been taught and "life-learned" into how to "create" the information we use to make decisions:

• If we feel it>we act on it>we'll then believe it>it becomes our truth (ultimately our Identity)

This is bigger.....

This is how God intended for us to make decisions:

• We are given His Truth>we act on it>we then believe it 'cause it works>Real Truth changes the way we feel

In this world's present scenario, full of darkness and sin, if we don't have Christ, we only have the soul and body (body, flesh, and members) working together to sustain us. That is not what God intended. God did not intend for us to be held hostage to truth created by our feelings.

This is what God intended......

God intended for all three parts of us to be working together.

This is how the scripture from the Bible tells decision making should work, can work, if we are "in Christ" (see above scripture on the Spirit and Truth):

God's Spirit speaks Truth to our spirit -which communicates it to our soul -

our chooser receives God's will and perfect Truth and "renews" any of our thinkers wrong thinking. -

the "Renewed" Truth coming from our thinker changes our feeler's reactions ....

the brain (processor) passes this information to the Body which reacts correctly based on the Truth.....

God's Spirit..Truth....our spirit..Truth....>soul (renewed)> body = Truth revealed in actions

See, our soul was made to work with our spirit. But, daily, if the spirit of a man is dead in his life, or an alive spirit Christian is still making decisions without being in communion with God's Spirit - bad or uninformed decisions are most often made. Why? We only have our emotions, education, and our life-based truths to go on.

But, "in Christ", God's Spirit will reveal wisdom and mysteries that we do not have, information, and timeless Truth from the ages that overcomes and "renews" temporary truth from the world.

In Christ, by utilizing our newly created spirit in communion with God's Spirit, our self-created identity will begin to be replaced with our "identity in Christ".

Lets take a stab at this again from another angle.

If most of our decisions are made in the soul, based on emotions, then we are in definite trouble.

Remember, remember - Think about all of the times this has happened to you:

Your emotions lied to you. When you most needed it you couldn't see Truth......

How did we get into this "fix". I mean if our soul is so adaptible why can't it just fix itself? Well, it tries to fix itself.

See, our soul knows that something is missing. And it still searches for truth. St. Augustine said that we all have a "Christ shaped void in our lives". From our studies, we now know this hole comes from not being "whole". This hole comes from a dead spirit - a dead life without Christ..

So what does the soul do to compensate for this hole in our lives? How does it adapt to its need for communion with God? It searches....

• finding "comfort" elsewhere (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc...)
• finding "truth" elsewhere (opinions, life experiences, acceptance, rejections)
• finding "love" elsewhere (sex, lust that looks like love, conditional love)

Our soul will create for us an identity that came not from the Spirit but from - elsewhere. And it collects it as information to be used later to answer questions, to help make choices, to give us some sense of identity since we have no clue who we really are.

And what does the soul do with all of this information? Where is it collected?

Our soul stores up all of its truth....where? Elsewhere - in our FLESH........

You may not realize it, but now we are getting somewhere.

As part of the brain, we store up - actually in its circuitry - all of "our truth" and all of our "own identity".

And, that is where we will go next week. Next week we will visit the place where we've stored our life's truth, our auto-pilot, (or, better stated) we will visit the place that contains all of our individual engrained patterns of behavior.

Next time, you and I will study together one of the most frequently used and most intriguing parts of the body - our FLESH.

Until then .....

I know this has been a ton of information. And it may take you a week to begin to process it. But God can and will translate this back to you quickly if you are His in Christ.

Pray this prayer as I pray if for myself, won't you?

Dear Father,

Help me to begin to understand how I was made, how I have used what I was left with, and how you have made me new to prepare me for the life you have planned next.

Reveal to me in my spirit by your Spirit, what I need to know to trust you further.

Amen!

I love you and can't wait to talk again.....

~Doug out ......