'Your Flesh Becomes You!'

Hello, my friend. I sure hope your last week has been great!

Thanks for taking the time to read through all of the information that has been so graciously provided to us. It is important to get to some common ground, some mutual understanding, some Truth that we can all grab hold of.


Why a "common ground?" We all come from different backgrounds, different experiences, different levels of need and different definitions of wants. But that is not the only reasons we need common ground. Common ground gives us a firm foundation, a place we can stand, a place where confusion is not found, and truth is at large and in-charge.


We've talked extensively over the last two weeks about the importance of truth; the importance of life's questions and choices that our mind needs answered, every second. To answer these questions, to make good choices we desire informed, reliable information. For me especially, there really is a need for the reduction and elimination of confusion in a life that wants to be freed by the Truth. Unfortunately, that's not the world we live in.. We live and breath in a society that breeds confusion.

Now, I am not to saying that I'm looking for "the good old-days". All "times" and "generations" have had their own share of confusion. I don't believe, however, that confusion has been so embraced by all society as it has been during our time, our generation.

'Confusion embraced?' That does sound strange. After all, many say that this is the era of personal accountability and intellectual enlightenment.

Sure... but personal intellect and Truth are not always mutually respective of each other.

• I see more things every day that make black look white, and right look wrong, and "maybe" becoming a "good enough" answer.



• I see depression as a way of life being accepted because culture has been advertised into believing pharmaceuticals can "cover" the symptoms and everything is now alright.



• I see divorce and short-term, low-commitment monogamous relationships becoming more accepted and inevitable than the type of family oriented, commitment driven, conflict resolving, grit your teeth, "fight for love with tooth and nail" life-long marriages that characterized previous generations.

Acceptable Confusion....Believe it or not, confusion is actually desirable in many different places.

• I see it in business where policies are written so loosely so that they can be interpreted to whatever fits the need.


• I see it in government where the US Constitution has been up under attack for the last twenty years. The Constitution is now considered by lawmakers and judicials to be a "living" document, meant to be reinterpreted by all generations to fit that generations current political comfort level....


• I have even seen it in my beloved "Star Wars" - episode three - where Obi-Wan tells Anakin, "Only the Sith deal in absolutes"..... Now that's Confusion....

It is no wonder that depression, which I have already mentioned, is so rampant (I counseled with three people Sunday, and at least one each day since, that are suffering from deep reoccurring depression).

I also am not surprised, no matter how sad it makes me, at the number of my kid's friend's parents (all Christians) that are getting divorced.

Why am I not just blown away? I don't have to look any further than my own self (flesh) to see why....

Society, that's you and I, has been raised by our present culture to believe that a happy life is all about and dependent on "Me". And, a respectable level of confusion allows "me" to keep it about "me", whether it being about "me" makes any sense or not......

You say, "What?"

I began to discover so much about "me" a few years ago. I began to find out things that made so much sense, about why things weren't making sense. I began to discover that a lot of the things I believed to be true were totally not. I also began to uncover some truths that totally were....

Now, I know the answers to how I was feeling, then. I know the advantages of what it took to get to this place...... But back then I wasn't so sure I liked what I was seeing.

I learned so much. As a matter of fact, I learned so much then, that God must have been pleased... 'Cause He gives me plenty of new lessons everyday, now :).

Here's some things I learned; some things I want you to look forward to learning in the next few weeks as we go through some stuff; some things that layed a foundation for me that is even giving me the strength to type these words - to keep putting myself out there.

So here they are - five things I can go to daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute:

• I am not really who I have always believed I am. My true identity is so much better than that!
  


• I don't have to fight everyday to stay "good" so I can stay at peace with God.
  


• I can't do "it". "It" can be done through me, though (by God).
  


• The person I have trusted the most from day one is "me". Tragically, even my beloved feelings will lie to me, and the enemy will use them against me.
  


• And the biggest lesson learned.... If I can find out the truth, whether I like it or not, I can deal with it and have joy in any situation.

Here are two things that I came to realize needed to happen for God to "get me ready for what He has next":

• If I don't deal with pain from my past, my past is my present, and my future will look the same.



• I need to wake-up and be more excited about today. Today is where God wants to spend time with me "in Christ" and today is when he is gonna bless me by working through "Christ in me."

Now, read these statements (all seven of them) just one more time (Momma said always ask, "Please?").....

What do you think? Hope this is really making you think. I hope you are beginning to see another little thing that I call truth - God does things almost the opposite from you and I.

This is what I know, though.... Everyone of these statements stands completely against where society would have us (confused). Everyone of these statements boils down to one word that we all need - Truth.

So, just so you will know, I am going to take a little different approach in teaching over this next week-and-a-half.

This next week, instead of simply pouring information into your psuchēs (intellect/thinker), I am going to begin to introduce you to four people.... Ben, Kimberly, Greg, and then me (Doug). You are going to hear each of our stories, be allowed to evaluate us, and even be challenged to evaluate yourself....

"How about my dirty SARX?"

I know... I promised to begin to teach about the three components of our body, specifically the flesh (Greek: sarx).... And that is most definitly what I am going to help happen. It's just going to be a little different teaching than you may have expected.

I promise:

Between the four of us, Ben, Kimberly, Greg, and myself, we have enough "dirty SARX" (flesh) to show you all you are going to need to know to help get started in this process (LOL)... you'll see..

Before we begin, there is something else new I need you to do....

I need you to check out this disclaimer, first.......

Got that? It is now not my fault if you stop. Nor is it my fault if you begin to get ready for what God has next. As a matter of fact, I have turned all responsibility over to Him. He really likes that.... LOLLLLL!

(Composure).... Now that you are prepared, and have been duly warned, lets meet part of ourselves.... Oh, uh, I mean, Ben:

Ben is a lot like many of the guys you and I have worked with over the years, gone to school with... He is like a lot of the guys I have tried to help out, to listen to, to try to talk some sense into. Ben is the guy I will typically also give up on too easily because he makes perfect sense to him and no sense to me at all.

Here's some things you need to know about Ben....

Ben will show up at parties, won't really talk to anyone, will stand to the side or in the corner, may act mad, or frustrated, leave early, and then be angry because no one talked to him.

Ben will be really emotional about some of the craziest things. He will laugh at some not really funny stuff or act like everyone else is stupid over some truly hilarious things. Ben takes everything very personally. As a matter of fact, everything is meant towards him personally. Even things that no one else knew had been done or hadn't been done or had actually never really happened - except in Ben's perception. Ben is so about this "personal" thing, that he could actually be called Mr. Out-of-Context, instead of Ben....

Ben is also very lonely. Ben terribly wants friends. Two major things stand in his way of making friends, though. He tends to either shy away from people or he's really smothering or possessive if he thinks you are "actually" accepting him. Ben does not know how to just hang.... he wants desperately to be "normal like the other folks".

Ben especially has a hard time with girls. He hasn't had too many girl relationships and most didn't have much of a chance to begin with. Ben's expectations were either too high, too fast, or too low of himself, too soon.

You are thinking, 'Ben must have been born with the worst personality?' 'He must be quite annoying'........ right!

Well, not really. See, Ben was made and is "at heart" a law abiding, good-willed, brimming with potential love, kind of guy. But we just don't know it. Chances are though, if you actually can bear to spend a lot of time around Ben, you might even have a better idea of Ben's potential than Ben does, himself.

Ben... where did this real Ben go? What happened? The real Ben, the potential Ben, the designed Ben is waiting to be "born" or has been "reborn" and is buried under rejection, lies, and life.

See, Ben was born with all the potential of the "best people" we work and play with. But things around him have hidden his "true identity". Let's check out "What happened to Ben to make him like he is?".

Ben's mom Cheryl and his dad, Steve, got married too young - too soon!

Fourteen months into the relationship, when the sex had lost its newness, and the thrill was all but gone, there were three things that still remained -

two strangers in the house and a new baby boy, Ben.

Its not to say there was no love in the house. Both Steve and Cheryl were proud of the baby, but neither one of them had a very good frame of reference, or foundation to put this love on. Neither had stellar family lives, really bad mostly, and fourteen months of marriage and a baby now... Whew!

To say the least their relationship was very strained. Neither one had any college. Steve was working as a construction laborer and Cheryl was trying to juggle "having a kid" and a string of second-shift jobs.

Steve and Cheryl couldn't afford a regular baby sitter so they alternated shifts .... this helped financially but it sure didn't help their already strained relationship.

Steve didn't have a clue how to raise up a boy.... His dad was never really very involved with him, if he was ever around.

Cheryl cared for Ben but stayed so stressed and tired, was always so tense, that she took it out verbally on everything: the cat, Steve, and even baby Ben.... "Why are you such a bad baby? Why do you cry all the time? I don't care, just lie there 'til you can stop squalling!"

As Ben got older, Mom and Dad fought all the time. Dad would get home from work later and Mom would be late for work.... and both would scream at each other the few minutes they would see each other... and Ben would watch. Mom would leave and Dad would go into the bedroom to watch TV, to "cool off" and wind up "three-sheets to the wind" by 8:30 (Ben's bedtime). Dad had to constantly ask Ben to quit "bugging him for stuff".

Ben was so lonely when Mom would leave. Mom was so angry while she was home. Mom and Dad were both angry when all three of them were together. Little Ben went from being on edge, to sadness, to plain lonely....

One day Dad came home late and Mom was particularly edgey and it blew up. They were arguing and Mom looked at Ben and said, "If it wasn't for him I would just leave right now!"

Dad said, "If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be in this s*** to begin with!"

Ben was only four, but the light went off in his head the best he could understand it, "The reason I feel so nervous, so lonely, so sad, so unloved - its my fault - I'm the problem." If Ben had any other frame of reference he might have been able to say - "Hey Dude, where do you get off saying your sorry life is my fault.... It may be my problem but it ain't me causing you to hate you!" But, Ben is just four.

Whoa, so what just happened: Ben's emotions became his truth.... and the "flesh" foundation of who Ben was became his own personal identity... at four years old.....

It is said by some experts that our personal identity is set into us by the time we are 6-7 years old. Other experts say that it is set in by age 10.

By age seven these things had happened to Ben:

• He discovered he could get attention if he screwed up enough - broke enough things - disobeyed enough.It wasn't good or positive attention. But if you are very lonely, some attention is better than none..... problem is .... Mom constantly griped at him and Dad about how "bad a kid", Steve had.


• One day Dad quit coming home late. He actually just quit coming home at all. Mom cried for a couple of days and then said they would be better off without him. Mom didn't seem better off, and somehow Ben got lonelier and sadder, and madder - at himself... Why? Dad had already said it. So Ben believed it. "Dad left because of me and Mom is mad at me because of it."


• School wasn't any better. Mom started working days while he was at school and "after-care" either at school or with Mom's step-dad (that is a whole other story of a bad influence). Teachers were constantly calling Ben down, other kids thought he was a bad kid, he couldn't keep up in school because Mom had a new boy-friend and they were always busy.... No matter... Ben knew he wasn't very smart or likeable ... even though he really wanted to be.


• When Ben got older there was a few guys like him, with their own stories, and own rejections that he gravitated, too. But these were not the "normal or cool kids". Ben really wanted to be "normal".


• Mom didn't really care if Ben passed or failed in school. So, Ben didn't either. He actually didn't see any positives in himself other than his ability to stir things up when he needed some attention.


• When Ben was 14 the first "positive" thing to ever happen to him, happened. A shop teacher noticed Ben was talented working with his hands. And he complimented Ben. Ben didn't buy it to begin with, but when he got good grades on his stuff, he got a strange new feeling! Then, before long the other kids in shop admired his work and the teacher would use Ben for examples. Two things very telling things happened:
  

1. Ben found out something he was good at. As a matter of fact Ben makes money today working with his hands. He has a pretty good job as a machinist.


2. Ben also found something else out to add to his "flesh" identity. "If I do well, show good performance, I will be accepted! When I have had bad performance, I am usually rejected. This may be something I can control."

• Good performance=acceptance=Likeable person
• Bad performance=rejection=unacceptable person

Ben got his grades straightened out at school. As a matter of fact he became kind of peculiarly perfectionistic in almost every thing. This even helped out some at home as Mom didn't yell as much. Their relationship was too far gone for much more than that, though.

Ben was not able to gain many friends using this technique, however. Why? He had never been confident enough, young enough, to gain real social skills.

• Dad left too early, called too seldom, to help him know how to be a "guy"
• Mom rejected him mostly, so Ben's only experience with girls was what he saw on TV - that really helped.
• Ben had never really been accepted before, so he went into every possible friendship expecting to be rejected.
• When Ben was accepted, he tried so hard to keep the friend or girl close, that he defeated his purpose and became rejected.

So, this is Ben's life .... This is how he lived for many years:

• Worked lots of hours


• Drove people crazy with his perfectionism (even his boss)


• Stayed at home a lot


• Watched a lot of TV


• Tried to go to church, or a bar, or somewhere to meet people sometimes - usually left mad because no one seems interested in what he has to say or because no one talks to him.


• I didn't mention his anger issues, huh? His quick temper? We'll leave that to your imagination and save it for later.

How does Ben turn out? Is this it? Is his whole life summed up this way? Could be.... But we will revist him later.

To wrap up this teaching, I want to pull out four things that have been working against Ben and still work against him today:

1. His emotional roller-coaster as a kid left him with a "flesh" based personal identity that has him operating in fear or anticipation of rejection. This is why everything is taken personally.


2. His lack of attention from his mother and lack of friends has left him feeling not only rejected but also very insignificant


3. His lack of love and support from Mom and Dad mostly, and teachers and his current boss, have left him feeling very insecure.


4. The sum total of all his experiences has him believing his rejection or acceptance based on his performance is all about and up to him. Failure is feared but also expected.

So, how did you make out reading through this? Who do you see in this picture of Ben's life? Did you see some of yourself? I know I see some elements of my own "flesh".

If this doesn't look like you at all, well that is ok, too. But, I will leave you with a warning. Don't feel too good about your own "flesh" or too badly for Ben because of his. Ben knows he has a problem and is going to be more ready to accept the solution than you might be.....

Finally, if you have been made weary or anxious by reading this, if it does look a lot like you... Believe it or not you are in the right place. You have begun the process of "getting it".

Remember the first thing I learned in my own process?

- I am not really who I have always believed I am. My true identity is so much better (actually probably the opposite) of this!

And remember the first of the two things I learned that have gotten me ready for "What God has next"?

-If I don't deal with pain from my past, my past is my present, and my future will look the same.

I just want to remind you what Jesus said, 'I have come that you might have life and to have it more abundantly.'

If you are in Christ, uncovering these things, allowing you to be able to see the truth will put you into the process of living in this 'abundant life'.

If you are not in Christ, uncovering these things will get you started, and Jesus, if you will surrender to him, will give you a new life.

Until later this week, when we meet Kimberly, know that I am praying for you!

I love you and am proud of you!

~ Doug out.....